


Don't deserve love

by DegrassiFanatic



Series: Character Study [5]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Compliant, Family Feels, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Introspection, M/M, Post-Canon, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, last one's implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 14:57:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13250628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DegrassiFanatic/pseuds/DegrassiFanatic
Summary: The one where Bo isn't worst parent and he's trying to be the best.--------------------------------------------------His mother deserved a better son, someone who could honour her. Instead, she got a shit son. At least, she didn’t live long enough to see how shit he really was.





	Don't deserve love

**Author's Note:**

> No explicit mentions of anything heavy. Except a direct reference to tommy and tracy's death. Stay safe kiddos.

It’s quite a difficult thing to forgive someone who has not apologized.

 

His dad looks at him with guilt in his eyes and a thousand apologies ready but, once he opens his mouth he cannot allow the words to spill. He knows that his dad means well, that his dad realizes he made mistakes, that he’s ready to make up for it.

 

He does, in his own way. He keeps his mouth shut and silently gives a hundred bucks when he mentions it’s his and Philip’s anniversary. His dad doesn’t openly yell at the homophobic comments on his videos but, he silently reports them and if he can get on his account, deletes them. He doesn’t help with the messed up people at school but, if Lukas comes home with bruised knuckles or a bloodied lip, his dad’s there with the first aid kit.

 

Sometimes it hurts to think that in order to get here, he had to witness a murder and have two of his classmates killed. Even if Philip looks at him likes he holds all the power in the world, Lukas cannot turn back the clock.

 

If he turned back the clock, he wouldn’t have his dad like this. His dad who is not openly supportive but, likes to have his son’s boyfriend over for dinner.

 

If he turned back the clock, Rose would’ve been unhappy. He knows Rose because before she was his girlfriend, she was his best friend. Rose would’ve stayed with Lukas even if it was killing her and slowly he knows that Rose would’ve hated him if hadn’t met Philip.

 

If he turned back the clock, he wouldn’t have known Philip. He knows it’s horribly selfish but, if he had the power to go back to the night, he wouldn’t change a single thing. It’s horrible and he knows it, he’s horrible and he knows it. He doesn’t deserve Philip.

 

He doesn’t deserve a lot of things in life, he doesn’t deserve to have Rose who even after getting her heart broken by him still cares about his worthless ass. He doesn’t deserve Helen and Gabe, who treat him like he’s one of their own. He doesn’t deserve his dad, who even after getting a shit excuse of son, still loves him with enough love for both himself and his mother. He doesn’t deserve Philip, who still came back even though Lukas hurt him in every way.

 

Maybe that’s why he’s at his mother’s grave because he didn’t deserve his mother and she’s the only one who actually did the right thing and left.

 

‘In loving memory of Amy Waldenbeck

Daughter, Wife, Mother

Left a little too soon’

 

His mother deserved a better son, someone who could honour her. Instead, she got a shit son. At least, she didn’t live long enough to see how shit he really was.

“Lukas! ” yelled a voice in the distance. His dad’s.

 

He feels awful, he must’ve left the house too loudly if his dad is looking for him. God, he’s shit at sneaking out too. Might as well save his dad some of the work.

 

“Here.” he shouts back.  He’s still sitting cross-legged in front of the grave because maybe that’ll explain it to his dad.

 

“What are you...” he hears his father drift off as he comes closer to Lukas.

 

Something stirs in Lukas, and he realizes he should get up, so his dad can get some sleep.

 

“Sorry, dad. Let’s go-”

 

Lukas is cut off by his father pulling him in a hug.

 

“Do you know how worried I was?” he asks with tears in his eyes, “I heard your alarm go off but, you wouldn’t turn it off. So I went into your room thinking you must be dead asleep. Then, you weren’t there and you weren’t at home at all. I was so scared, Lukas. Ever since the therapist and the meds and the warnings. I called Helen, I called Rose’s mom, hell I even called Philip and the poor boy was so upset I had him on the phone the entire time I was looking for you.”

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d be so afraid.” Lukas mumbled.

 

“Next time, you want to see your mother. Just tell me.”

 

Maybe Lukas didn’t deserve love but, he got it so, he might as well enjoy the ride.

  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, my dudes.  
> Also I'm starting accept asks and requests on tumblr and here.


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